Deep in My Heart

Truthfully, after going through some serious family, friendship, school, boys and hostel problems, I'm actually surprised that I managed to endure all of them. Although I do break down at some point but still, I'm standing. A few times, I would stumble but never fall. Sometimes, I do hope I fall to see who would catch me and who would watch me until I meet the ground. These past weeks have been so overwhelming.

People say love is stronger than hate. That might be true. But at times, hate would grow stronger than love. People thought that with love, they'll survive. I can't argue with that logic but some people are lack of love but they still breathing. So my point is, love isn't everything. Don't waste your time on only one thing. There's still many aspect in life that needs your concern.

Honestly, I've been stressed out lately. My problems are getting to me. Sometimes I doubt my strength. I doubt I still have it in me, Th thing is, I'm weak but people around me wants to believe that I'm strong. Because ignorance is a new way of life. With ignorance, they're oblivious of the things that's happening around them. They locked themselves in a world with no concern and distractions.

Being left out is normal to me. Either it's my family or my friends. I feel like even if I have everybody around me, I still feel empty. They're happy, I'm sad. I'm happy, they ruin it. So basically, being alone is what keeps me alive. Being a loner is not so bad at all. You don't have to take care of other's feelings. Just take care of yours. Staying at hostel makes me realized that, taking care of people's feelings is literally the hardest thing to do.

In the end, I start to drift away from the crowds. It's not like they'll realize my absence. Both of my presence and absence means nothing. Maybe I'm just a burden or a mistake. But I want to feel special. I want to earn a special throne in someone's heart. I want people to pay attention to me. I want people to appreciate my presence. I want people to feel my absence. I want they to throw away their pride and just display their concern. It's not that hard.

Well, it's not like it matters. I'm alive, so they don't care. Being a professional loner, I have more experience of the painful reality of life. When people drift away, that's when I repent for my sins. I realized, I'm not alone. I still have Allah and Prophet Muhammad. My family's still here to support me. And for that I'm grateful.